As I celebrate another year, I recognize that with age comes so much good. Apart from the obvious wisdom, I’ve become more resilient. As I watch everything I built be broken down, I learned to focus on my responsibility. What part did I play? Because I’ll never have control of other’s actions, other’s reviews on me, other’s emotions. Therefore, I’ve faced and accepted my own mistakes. I also have accepted that some apologies or reconciliations might never happen. I’ve forgiven myself a lot this past year for my own sanity. I’ve become okay with going against the current, eating alone, people not liking me, being overly busy, overspending on food/clothes/my pets.
I stopped searching for solutions to past issues and deeper meaning for future plans. I realized that in the past 33 years every time I’ve been offended, someone has isolated me, taken advantage of my kindness or hurt me; I’ve thought it was because there was something wrong with me or something wrong I did. I had two reactions to that “realization” fight back all guns blazing or the most common, submerge into a self-pity hole. Neither of those reactions are proactive or work for that matter. So I STOPPED. Facts are: there isn’t anything wrong with me.
33 didn’t fly by but they weren’t slow either. There are a lot of things “I wish I didn’t/would have” done, I hate that feeling. I want to do anything and everything I want. I want to be as kind as possible with out breaking my heart. I pray that wisdom grows so large that I’ll love everyone around me unconditionally. I want to be so free that I don’t regret my twerk snapchats (I like to twerk). I want to be so me that I inspire my daughter to never question her own self.
Recently I asked myself, would I be friends with a woman like me?
I said hell yes!! I am not perfect nor do I claim to be. I am forgetful which often translates to inconsiderate but I am working on that. I will never speak of other women without allowing them a chance to defend themselves. I have a temper, I am hard headed, full of myself; but everyday I wake up wanting to be the best human possible I can. I am not at peace all the time but I have plenty of peaceful times. My daughter is healthy and I make plenty to care for her and my fur children. I am blessed.
On my 33rd year I decided to embrace that I like me, quirks and all. With self-appreciation comes so many rewards but my dearest is the ability to look past my own self. My focus is now appreciating, embracing and loving the friends who want to be there for me, spend time with me, forgive me when I offend them and think of me even when I forget to think of them.
This birthday was very special. I received a lot of gifts, which I never expect. This year instead of feeling unworthy, I decided to say thanks, accept the token of love and mean it. I discovered all my gifts were little growth enablers. My friends know I need peace, compassion, energy, strength, creativity, to stand up for myself, laughter and most importantly, they know I need love. I type this with a heart filled with love. I mean when I say, I believe in women.
My birthdays are reminders that I am still alive. God decided that the world needed me and 33 years later he still hasn’t changed his mind. How old are you??? You are still here darling, the universe still desires you here so YOLO!!!
Every birthday I decide to do something that I’ve never done before. This year I decided that I wanted to do a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit shoot which I’ve actually done once before. This time, I wanted no body alterations allowed(body photoshop). Just good good angles, good lighting, good filters and good photography.